it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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