So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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