what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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