i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
