Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
