He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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