I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
