Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
