ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
