I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
the raccoons are back...
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