You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
