my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
