Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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