they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
