maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize