i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
