anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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