We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize