i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
