Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize