he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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