Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
