dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
