I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
