his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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