my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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