true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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