So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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