Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
