She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
