I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
