i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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