we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
