i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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