I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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