I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
