i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
