Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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