Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize