My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
