She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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