I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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