its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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