literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
