I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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