Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize