??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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