I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I need to sanitize my soul.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Text me some of your sweat
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
