it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
