And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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