Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
