Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
