Cold hands, warm shart.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
