Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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