I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
