I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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