Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
