Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize