He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
