she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have feelings that need drinking.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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