My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
