Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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