i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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