PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
