I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize