I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
