tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
