I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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