Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
