why do cheetos always look like penises
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So many bounce houses so little time
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
