I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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