which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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