i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We need to get me chipped asap
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
