Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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