Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
