I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
