Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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