In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize