Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
