I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
