i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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