whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
