I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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