YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
