Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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