oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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