I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
