did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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