you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
