She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
