I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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