For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
