Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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