She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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