Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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